Camp manager Jeffrey Fairbrother spends his working life
dealing with people - but Simon just wants to get away from it all.
"I just love to escape to a friend's farm in the French
Alps," he says.
"Last year I crashed out for four glorious weeks
just resting in his peaceful vineyards, drinking wine and eating toast
and pate. I don't like crowds, and would rather be with people I know,
getting brown beside a private pool rather than a public beach.
"Some evenings we'd drive down to the coast and have marvellous
meals, looking out over the Mediterranean.
"That's as far from Maplins as you can get!"
The man who plays Maplin's resident comic Ted Bovis always
takes his holidays lying down. He can usually be found flat on his back
in his Scarborough garden, somewhere among the weeds.
"That's because I'm terrified of flying - and hate weeding,"
"Years ago I flew to the Shetlands in something more like
a paraffin budgie than a plane. It took off on its knees and it had a thatched
propellor. I never thought I'd get out alive - and the experience put me
off for life."
Paul's had no better luck with other forms of transport.
"Last year we thought we really would try to get away
and so the wife and I took a coach to the south of France.
"It was agony. Doris and I clambered out 24 hours later,
both looking like the elephant man. All our limbs had swollen up and we
could only shamble about.
"I'd love to go to the Bahamas. That's a spot I want to
lie all over. But it's a long flight - and a long way to walk back if anything
So if you want to find Paul and Doris, try home first.
It's no surprise that the girl who plays amorous Gladys
Pugh likes putting herself about a bit.
"I like an active holiday, know what I mean?" she says.
"I've got ants in my pants. Can't sit still for five minutes
at a time.
"I've got to be doing things. You know, climbing mountains,
swimming in the sea, chattering to anyone who'll listen."
For the last two years Ruth and husband John have shot
off to Tenerife in March to get the sun.
"I love the sun - it's so rejuvenating." says Ruth.
"John insists we stay in a hotel because he says I work
so hard I need a complete rest.
"Secretly, though I'd rather like to do some cooking and
I wouldn't mind a self-catering holiday in the Canaries next time.
"I'd love to travel to the Far East - India, Singapore,
Hong Kong - fascinating places.
"But John did all that in the army, and he's not keen.
"I think he's a bit afraid his past will catch up with
him if I start poking around too closely out there!"
The man behind ballroom dancer Barry Stuart-Hargreaves
says he goes wild on holidays.
"I really do, it's all so invigorating!"
And he's full of his great new holiday discovery - Florida.
"I was so fed up with Spanish holiday hotels," he says.
"The constant sounds of drills and hammering as new buildings shoot up
all the time."
"But the very thought of America terrified me. I'd imagined
them brash and loud-mouthed, while I'm such a typical Englishman. Then
I tried it.
"Florida is just magic and the American people are really
beautifully kind. I toured the Everglades, saw the alligators - and ordered
myself a matching handbag and shoes.
"Best of all I discovered Disney World. That really is
a place for all children over the age of 30 - and I just squeeze into that
"I tried all the rides and want to go on them all again.
There is so much to wonder at, you can't take it all in at once. A bit
like my performance in the show, dear."
Dotty chalet maid Peggy is a fixture at Maplins, but Su
likes to get right away from the british seaside.
"I can't swim so I don't spend any time in the sea," she
"For the last two years I've travelled with a friend in
Crete. We've gone walking in the mountains, meeting the Greeks who are
ever so friendly. It was magic.
"There was plenty of nightlife too. I like a bit of a
dance but, most of all, I like to chat into the small hours and drink some
of the old village wine."
"Maplins could do with a bit more of that. Get the old
knobbly knees really knocking that would."
Tony & David Webb
The real-life twins share the same interests - and that
Tony, married to a Finnish girl, takes his wife and two
small children to an island summer home on a Finnish lake.
"There's nowhere like it in the world," he says.
"The silence is so immense, you can hear people talking
a mile away."
Brother David, who lives only a mile away from Tony's
Suffolk home, also takes his two kids to Finland.
But they try to avoid both taking their holidays at the