Dreamscape: A Toyah Willcox Fansite [www.toyah.net] : somewhere in the distance : archived Toyah news for the month of April 2004

April 27, 2004: Toyah @ 'The Club' Stoke, June 2004
[ Toyah - Back @ the Club in 04 ]'The Club' website and www.toyahwillcox.com have announced that Toyah will play at 'The Club' in Stoke-On-Trent on Saturday 26th June, to celebrate club owner Ruby's birthday.

Toyah has played at the venue numerous times over the last eight years or so, and it is always a fantastic night.

This will be her first live date of 2004 and a chance to play a new set that may be used in the 'Best Of The 80's' tour later in the year.

Uusually it is fine to just "turn up" on the night and pay at the door but if you would rather be sure I'd advise contacting 'The Club' for further details. You can visit their website by clicking on the picture of Toyah onstage in the venue in 2002 (pic courtesey of Dominic Fallows).

The Club, 
14 Hillcrest Street, 
Stoke on Trent, 
ST1 2AA 

April 27, 2004: Family Of Noise - Free single & New Interview
[ Responsible - Family Of Noise ]Family Of Noise, the band who released an internet single with Toyah on lead vocals a couple of months ago, are currently offering a free track for download at their website. Anyone interested can even print off a cover.

Chris Limb, of Family Of Noise says: "When doing the shot in the dark mix of Killing Made Easy there were a number of George Bush samples that weren't used in the end. I felt is was a shame not to use them at some point, and so just to let you know that I've created a new track entitled Responsible which is downloadable as a 'free MP3 single'".

Click on the 'Responsible' cover to visit the site and download the single.

[ The Mick ]Family Of Noise are also interviewed in the latest issue of Mick Mercer's online fanzine, 'The Mick', with the band, and Toyah, pictured on the cover.

You'll need acrobat reader to read the fanzine (there's a link at the site to download this).

It's a really interesting read, with the band talking about Killing Made Easy and their involvement with Toyah. 

Plus there are some rare Toyah pictures included in the article.

Thanks to Chris Limb @ the Dreamscape Forum for the info about both of these.

April 27, 2004: Calamity saddles up... again!
[ Calamity Jane 2004 ]With theatres now advertising it in their brochures as a forthcoming attraction, it looks like Calamity Jane is definitely going ahead with another UK tour.

This ad boasts the production is "direct from the West End" so it is the Tristan Baker show.

Whether Toyah is involved isn't clear but it seems unlikely as surely they would have mentioned her. Calamity Jane isn't even pictured, and the dates almost clash with the 'Best Of The 80's' UK tour.

If anything, it'll be interesting to see who is cast as the follow-up Calamity to Toyah.

Please click on the picture to visit the Official Calamity Jane website.

Thanks to Alec Kelly for this.

April 27, 2004: Toyah @ Elmbridge Museum, Surrey
[ Elmbridge Museum ]Many thanks to Chris Meaney, Managing Director of the Elmbridge Museum, for letting me know about the following:

The Elmbridge Museum, in Church Street, Weybridge, Surrey features two touch screen kiosks on which Toyah did some "talking head" type video work. The kiosks were designed to help visually impaired people gain access to the museum's objects. Toyah was commissioned to present around 90 video sequences, reading out textual material from the cases and other interesting facts.

We developed the kiosks and commissioned Toyah to do this. She was an absolute delight to work with and I cannot praise her hard work, commitment and enthusiasm enough.

Though Toyah doesn't feature on it, you can visit the museum's website by clicking on their logo.

April 24, 2004: Victims Of The Riddle 2002
[ Victims Of The Riddle 2002 ]'Victims Of The Riddle 2002' is an unofficial remix of Toyah's first single that has been quietly causing riddles itself, over the past few months, as rumours about the track circulated the internet.

Where did it come from? Who created it? What does it sound like?

Can't answer the first two queries, but, at last, the third can be: 

Right click on the picture and save target as... you can then decide for yourself.

Many thanks to Andi and Merx.

Still on the subject of 'Victims Of The Riddle'. The origins of the picture used on the cover of the 1979 single has often been asked about. Thanks to Tellurian, Walkie Talkie and Merxthere is now much more info available on this subject. Take a look @ the Dreamscape Forum, Totally Toyah Talk section, 'Victims Of The Riddle sleeve - What is it?' thread! Word of warning - Please put your sandwich down before attempting to read the thread :) 

April 24, 2004: Toyah newsy bits & pieces!
[ Mirror - 22nd April 04 ]• Toyah, or at least her body, appeared on page two of Thursday's 'Daily Mirror'.

The UK tabloid plonked Justice Minister Cathy Jamieson's head onto Toyah's body, dressed as Calamity Jane, for their full-page story about the recent prison security "bungle" here in Scotland.

CALAMITY JAMIESON: Whipcrack Away - How jamieson might look boarding the Deadwood Stage.

• There will soon be doing a new photo-shoot, complete with new hair colour. These pics will be available at www.toyahwillcox.com [ Info Source - Craig Astley post in the Dreamscape Forum ]

• Toyah received a mention on the 'Talk About Network' last week. The news item was concerning the forthcoming live appearances.

April 24, 2004: 'Bolton Evening News' - Reebok rocks for the stars
Top pop acts will rock the Reebok this summer in six open-air concerts. 

Stadium bosses have announced a line-up that they hope will turn the home of Bolton Wanderers into the North-west's best outdoor music venue. 

The shows will pack more than 32,500 fans into the stadium over six nights to see chart-topping acts that will include girl group Sugababes, blues veteran Jools Holland, West End star Michael Ball and T'pau who will top the bill at a celebration of 1980s pop legends. 

The Reebok's South Stand will be used to accommodate around 5,500 music fans each night, with the stage positioned in the pitch's penalty area, facing the stand, to create an intimate ampitheatre. 

The concerts start on Friday, July 9, with Sugababes being supported by Big Brovas. On Saturday, July 10, The Here and Now show will feature Eighties favourites T'pau, Toyah, Curiosity Killed The Cat, ABC Howard Jones and Five Star. Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra take to the stage on Sunday, July 11. 

The following weekend sees Liberty X headline a night of chart acts including Phixx, James Fox, Hyrise, Susanna Dee, Haifa and Al!ve on Friday, July 16. On Saturday, July 17, Tony Hadley and a full orchestra will perform Shaken Not Stirred -- a show including songs from the James Bond films. Finishing off the event is West End star Michael Ball on Sunday, July 18. 

The new venture is the result of 10 months of planning by stadium managers who hope to turn the football ground into one of the region's premier entertainment venues during the summer months. 

This year's experiment could see next summer's calendar of shows extended to bring in top comedy acts and more music artists from across the globe. 

Although the stadium has previously played host to music acts -- most notably Manchester band Oasis in 2000 -- bosses want to organise their own concerts to help bring cash to the club which could help provide Wanderers boss Sam Allardyce with a transfer war chest to secure the Whites' long-term Premiership status. 

A team of live music experts have been drafted in to start planning for future events and bosses hope that the independent venture will help to give them more control over the events. 

Commercial director Gareth Moores said the stadium was designed to become an entertainment venue. 

"This has always been part of Burnden Leisure's strategy to become a broad-based sport and leisure business," he said. 

"When the stadium was first built, it was always envisaged that it would play host to many other events -- primarily because we have a great venue and a fantastic location. 

"As a venue, we have always been reliant on third parties bringing their events to the stadium and we have had to pitch ourselves against other venues such as Old Trafford cricket and football grounds and the City of Manchester Stadium which obviously have bigger capacities. 

"For that reason we've decided to take control of our own events strategy." 

It is hoped the new earning potential will give the club greater stability as well as providing a safety net if the team was to slip into the first division. 

Mr Moores said: "What this will do is give the football club additional revenue. When added to the income from the football, it will allow us to compete at a higher level. 

"The gulf between existence in the Premier League and being a first division side means it's important for a club like Bolton Wanderers to spread the burden by developing new business." 

Mr Moores hoped the concerts would pull in crowds from across the North of England, as well as local music fans.

"This is the first time that the people of Bolton have had something like this right on their doorstep," he said. "We're no more than an hour away from anywhere in the North-west and places like Leeds, so we would anticipate that there will be interest from right across the country." 

In the future, the team behind the Big Light On events hope to bring comedy and classical music to the big stage that will be erected on the Reebok pitch, but gigs will still be kept to a small size of between 5,000 and 6,000 seats. 

"The South Stand is a ready-made theatre with 5,500 seats and it's covered for the most part," said Mr Moores. "We've got no cost in building or installing the seats and the venue is complemented by tremendous hotel facilities and a big screen which will be very much part of the programme." 

Stadium stars and when to see them 

Friday, July 9: Chart-topping British girl group Sugababes - Keisha, Mutya and Heidi - will be joined on stage by a live band to perform the hit singles that have made them one of the best selling acts of the last two years including Freak, Round Round and Hole In The Head. 

Supporting the girls will be London urban rap stars Big Brovas. 

Saturday, July 10: Eighties favourites T'pau, Curiosity Killed The Cat and Toyah will belt out classic hits in the three-hour Here and Now show. 

Also turning back the clock will be ABC, Howard Jones and Five Star. 

Sunday, July 11: Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra take to the stage to play the music that has seen them sell more than a million albums worldwide. 

Together with his band, Jools now plays an average of 100 live shows a year to audiences of more than 500,000 touring Britain and the world. 

Friday, July 16: Popstars "rejects" Liberty X make their debut in Bolton performing alongside a live band and six special guests. 

After failing to make the cut for TV show-spawned Hear'Say, Liberty X have gone to produce five top ten hits including the number one seller Just A Little. 

They will be joined by a second Popstars band - Phixx, Eurovision hopeful James Fox, boy band Hyrise, Susanna Dee, Haifa and rock newcomers Al!ve. 

Saturday, July 17: The musical world of James Bond comes to Bolton with West End International's Bond - Shaken Not Stirred. 

Former Spandau Ballet singer Tony Hadley will be joined on stage by leading West End artists and a full orchestra to perform the best known songs from the films. 

Sunday, July 18: Michael Ball, one of Britain's leading West End figures for nearly 20 years, returns from a sell-out tour of Australia to bring the curtain down on the Big Light On shows. 

Tickets by phone or online 

Tickets for all events are available from See Tickets on 0870 060 0243 (24 hours) and Piccadilly Box Office on 0161 832 1111 between 8am and 11pm Monday to Friday, between and 9am and 10pm Saturday and Sunday. 

Tickets can also be purchased on-line at www.biglighton.co.uk. 

Tickets are priced between 18.50 and 36 and telephone bookings may incur a booking fee. 

VIP and hospitality packages are also available from the Reebok Stadium booking line on 08704 448744.

April 21, 2004: 'The Most Fertile Man In Ireland' - on DVD
[ Most Fertile Man - DVD ]Yet another DVD featuring Toyah is released on the Region 2 format on 21st June 2004.

The Most Fertile Man In Ireland, in which Toyah plays a fertility doctor who cannot have children. who then discovers a man so fertile that even sterile women can become pregnant via him, was made in 1999.

The DVD comes with a plethora of extras:

• Interview with director Dudi Appleton 
• Behind the scenes footage 
• Trailer 
• Interactive menus 
• Scene selection

Whilst the rest of the male population of Belfast are firing nothing but blanks, Eamonn is blessed with 'tadpoles on speed that could impregnate a stone'. Realising that there is cash to be made out of his fellow man's infertility, this 24 year old virgin transforms himself overnight into Belfast's very own one man sperm bank. Business is booming until Eamonn is sucked into the 'troubles' and finds his crown jewels dangling in the fires of political distrust and religious intolerance!

April 21, 2004: Toyah newsy bits & pieces!
• Toyah receives a brief mention in the new 'Q' Special Edition magazine - '50 Years of Rock 'N' Roll : '80s, '90s + Now':

MAY: King Crimson's Robert Fripp marries actress-singer Toyah.

• Toyah is mentioned a couple of times, regarding the forthcoming 'Here & Now' outdoor gig and October's 'Best Of The 80's' tour, in the news page of www.remembertheeighties.com.

April 21, 2004: Toyah on TV
The Tempest : Artsworld - Saturday 24th April : 10.25pm
Derek Jarman's highly individual and beguiling version of Shakespeare's last play, shot in ruined abbeys and mansions with an undercurrent of absurdist humour. Directed by Derek Jarman. Starring Heathcote Williams, Toyah Willcox, Elisabeth Welch, Karl Johnson, Peter Bull, Richard Warwick (1979).
Brum : RTE Network 2 - Tuesday 27th April : 10.30am
Brum and the Football Hero. The adventures of a little car who lives in a motor museum, narrated by Toyah Willcox. Brum scores the winning goal when he comes on as a substitute during a football match.
April 12, 2004: 'Here & Now' - Outdoor @ Bolton Reebok Stadium
[ Here & Now - Bolton Reebok Stadium ]This is the venue Toyah will be playing at on Saturday 10th July.

The Reebok Stadium in Bolton is home to Bolton Wanderers football team and was opened in 1997. The state-of-the-art complex has a capacity of 28,000 and is, apparently one of the best sports and entertainment venues in the UK.

Toyah, along with ABC, Howard Jones, Five Star, Curiosity Killed The Cat, and T'Pau will be playing at the stadium on the first ever outdoor 'Here & Now' concert.

Tickets for the concert go on sale on this coming Wednesday (14th April) and are available from the following:

Box Office: 0870 060 0243
Piccadilly Box Office: 0161 832 1111
Hospitality Tickets: 08704 448744

April 12, 2004: 'Best Of The 80's' 2004 TOUR
[ Best Of The 80's ]As mentioned previously, some of the websites associated with the, just announced, 'Best Of The 80's' UK Tour have already updated their listings to include the relevant dates.

The Tony Denton (www.tdpromo.com) website has also been updated with the tour info. It's great to see that most of the sites, including www.liverpoololympia.com among others, are using pictures of Toyah in their promotions. 

Toyah, along with Nick Heyward, Altered Images (featuring Clare Grogan), and Curiosity Killed The Cat hit the road in early October and visit 20 venues around the UK on what is bound to be a hugely popular nostalgia-fest tour!

Thanks to John :)

April 12, 2004: Toyah Press Adverts - Updated
[ Toyah Press Ads ]The recent addition to Dreamscape - Toyah Press Adverts - has been updated with the remainder of the ads I have in my collection.

The section now boasts 37 Toyah related press ads from her mind-bogglingly diverse career.

I have lots of tiny ads for various Toyah gigs from over the years, but have decided not to include these as they are too small.

I'm sure there must be other ads I don't have, so if anyone has anything that isn't already in there please get in touch if you would like it/them included.

Email: david@toyah.net

April 12, 2004: Toyah on TV - 'The Tempest'
[ The Tempest ]The Artsworld channel is again showing The Tempest, the film from 1979 starring Toyah as Miranda, and recently released on DVD in the UK for the first time:

The Tempest : Artsworld - Saturday 24th April : 10.25pm

Derek Jarman's highly individual and beguiling version of Shakespeare's last play, shot in ruined abbeys and mansions with an undercurrent of absurdist humour. Directed by Derek Jarman. Starring Heathcote Williams, Toyah Willcox, Elisabeth Welch, Karl Johnson, Peter Bull, Richard Warwick (1979).

Please click on the picture to take a look @ Dreamscape's Tempest page in the CASTAWAYS section.

April 12, 2004: Surferosa - Shanghai My Heart
[ Shanghai My Heart - Surferosa ]Toyah received namechecks in two newspaper reviews, of the Surferosa album 'Shanghai My Heart', over the weekend.

The Times - 9th April 2004
Shanghai My Heart (Versity)

Norwegian synth-punk has been something of an under-represented genre until now, but Surferosa are making up for lost time. Fronted, in all senses, by the blonde pop pixie Mariann, they make a sound which combines the spiky art-rock of Shonen Knife with the shouty power-pop of Toyah Willcox. 

Lucky Lipstick sings the praises of “pink and red-lipped girls”, before hurtling into a chorus that is destined to be heard echoing in the vicinity of sleepovers everywhere for months to come. 

By David Sinclair

The Scotsman - 9th April 2004
Surferosa: Shanghai My Heart ****

NORWEGIAN synth-punk popsters Surferosa have more fizz than a shaken bottle of Irn Bru. Shanghai My Heart powers along, having dumb, unapologetically retro fun, with stadium rock keyboard breaks, plastic punk guitars and a singer who thinks the world is ready for a Toyah revival. 

First, they take the Far East - Neon Commando climaxes with the assertion "we lu-hu-huve Japan!". But, just to ensure a few European sales, there’s a track called German Socks and some French vocals on Canuba Toystore. Nothing for the South American market though - sorry, guys. Mariann’s staccato yelp gets a bit wearing after a while and clearly the band have no time for musical dynamism, but that’s the disposable, synthetic charm of this album. You just wouldn’t want them fidgeting next to you on a longhaul flight. 

By Fiona Shepherd 

April 8, 2004: Toyah Press Adverts - New DREAMSCAPE section
[ Toyah Press Ads ]Finally added to Dreamscape - the section dedicated to Toyah's UK press adverts.

25 years of diverse press promotion for Toyah albums, singles, tours, theatre work, and more can be found there. I still have more to add over the coming weeks.

From early gigs at the Music Machine, via promotion for Toyah's singles such as 'Thunder In The Mountains', through to press ads for the recent Calamity Jane, hopefully most of Toyah's ads will eventually be in the section.

If you have anything that isn't already included please do get in touch (david@toyah.net). I will, of course, credit you for anything you contribute.

April 8, 2004: Toyah - 'Here & Now' Again!!
[ Here & Now 2004 ]Toyah's Official website and www.here-and-now.info have announced that Toyah will be performing at the first 'Here & Now' outdoor show, at the Reebok Stadium in Bolton on Saturday 10th July 2004.

The line up is: ABC, Howard Jones, Five Star, Curiosity Killed The Cat, Toyah and T'Pau.

Tickets are on sale from 14th April and available from the following:

Box Office: 0870 060 0243
Piccadilly Box Office: 0161 832 1111
Hospitality Tickets: 08704 448744

News Source: www.toyahwillcox.com / www.here-and-now.info - Do keep checking back to these websites for further info and updates.

There is also another outdoor show, at the Fitness First Stadium in Bournemouth on Saturday 31st July 2004. The line up is The Human League, Kim Wilde, Belinda Carlisle, ABC, Paul Young and Go West.

Ticket Hotline : 0870 534 4444

April 8, 2004: Toyah On Tour - THE BEST OF THE 80'S 2004
[ www.toyahwillcox.com ]Toyah's Official website has announced the tour dates for the BEST OF THE 80'S TOUR 2004. The tour travels the UK throughout October, taking in 20 venues around the country.

As mentioned before, Toyah will be touring with Nick Heyward, Altered Images and Curiosity Killed The Cat in another Tony Denton (the organisation behind the succesful 'Here & Now' tours) outing. The dates are as follows:

Wednesday 6th October : Corn Exchange, Kings Lynn (Tel:  01553 764 864)
Thursday 7th October : Marina Theatre, Lowestoft (Tel: 01502 533 200) 
Friday 8th October :  Assembley Halls, Tunbridge Wells (Tel: 01892 530 613) 
Saturday 9th October : Auditorium, Grimsby (Tel: 01472 311 311)
Wednesday 13th October : The Orchard, Dartford (Tel: 01322 220000)
Thursday 14th October : The Olympia, Liverpool (Tel: 01512 263 633) 
Friday 15th October : Sands Centre, Carlisle (Tel: 01228 625 222) 
Saturday 16th October : Hotel, Holme Lacy (Tel: 01432 870870) 
Tuesday 19th October : Music Hall, Aberdeen (Tel: 01224 641 122) 
Wednesday 20th October : Playhouse, Edinburgh (Tel: 08706 063 424) 
Thursday 21st October : Civic Centre, Aylesbury (Tel: 01934 654 544) 
Saturday 23rd October : Leas Cliff Hall, Folkestone (Tel: 01303 228 600) 
Sunday 24th October : Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury (Tel: 01227 787 787) 
Monday 25th October : Hexagon, Reading (Tel: 01189 606 060) 
Tuesday 26th October : Civic Centre, Wolverhampton (Tel: 01902 552 121) 
Wednesday 27th October : The Astoria, London (Tel: 02073 440 044) 
Thursday 28th October : Assembley Rooms, Derby (Tel: 01332 255 800) 
Friday 29th October : Cliffs Pavilion, Southend (Tel: 01702 351 135) 
Saturday 30th October : Grand Theatre, Swansea (Tel: 01792 475 715) 
Sunday 31st October : Opera House, Buxton (Tel: 08451 272 190) 

News Source: www.toyahwillcox.com - Do keep checking back to the Official Toyah website (and Dreamscape) for further info and updates.

Many of the venues the tour will visit have already updated their websites with ticket info. Look out for tour ads, promotion, and related interviews in the UK press over the coming weeks and months.

April 8, 2004: Toyah newsy bits & pieces
[ Brave New World ]• It looks like the tour Toyah is taking part in this October, along with Nick Heyward, Curiosity Killed The Cat and Altered Images, will be called - THE BEST OF THE 80'S TOUR 2004.

• William has given his BRAVE NEW WORLD website a makeover, and updated it with some new moving images. The site is looking great, with the 'Four From Toyah' EP pictures used to great effect. Take a look by clicking on the picture.

Toyah On TV: Brum : RTE Network 2 - Tuesday 20th April : 10.30am - Brum and the Football Hero. The adventures of a little car who lives in a motor museum, narrated by Toyah Willcox. Brum scores the winning goal when he comes on as a substitute during a football match.

• Toyah was spotted on BBC3 last saturday night (and in various repeats) on the wall in a poster (circa 1987/88) in an episode of Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps. (Thanks to Paul Lomas for the info)

April 4, 2004: Toyah in the Red!

Toyah is no longer blonde... She has dyed her hair "a red Mayan gold"!

April 4, 2004: Toyah Recommends...
[ Notes on a Scandal ]In her April Webletter (just added to the official website) Toyah recommends two books. Both of which she has been reading into the wee small hours lately.

The first book is:


When Sheba arrives Barbara senses that she will be different from the rest of her staff-room colleagues. Sure enough, Sheba starts an affair with a pupil and is caught. When all the dust settles and Sheba's life falls apart, Barbara is there for her.

[ Star of the Sea ]And the second is:

'STAR OF THE SEA' - Joseph O' Connor

Tragedy is a word too often used. Nevertheless, in Star of the Sea Joseph O' Connor manages to achieve a real sense of the tragic, as personal dramas of the most distressing kind play themselves out against the background of the Irish potato famine and the almost equal nightmare of the mass emigration that it caused. As passengers die of starvation and disease in steerage, a drama of adultery, inadvertent incest and inherited disease plays itself out in first class. O' Connor raises, and does not attempt definitively to answer, real questions about responsibility and choice. 

April 4, 2004: In the NICK of time!
[ Nick Heyward - Postcards From Home ]It now looks definite that Toyah will be touring the UK in October with, among others, Nick Heyward.

The tour will be an 80's themed outing, with Toyah performing her own music and classic hits from the decade in a 40 minute set.

Keep checking back to www.toyahwillcox.com over the next week or so as the finalised tour dates will be made available there.

[ The official Toyah Willcox website ]Speaking of which - Toyah's Official website has been updated with the April Webletter.

Leap on over to read up on...

The latest on Chain Reaction - Toyah's much anticipated one-woman-show, 'We Have Angels Here' - her forthcoming novel, Calamity Jane, the 80's Tour, Doctor Who, and much more.

April 1, 2004: 'Daily Mirror' - Cash Was A Mystery
[ Daily Mirror - 31st March 04 ]Toyah was interviewed in yesterday's 'Daily Mirror':

CELEBRITY MONEY: Cash Was A Mystery, by Mark Anstead

Toyah's early struggles for fame and fortune have shaped her current attitude towards money.

The 80s pop queen says: "My parents struggled financially and when I was at drama school I was so poor all I could afford to eat was a Mars bar and a cup of tea. It was the generosity of friends that kept me fed and sheltered."

But money worries are now a thing of the past. The I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! contestant now owns a string of investment properties but says she will never charge rent. Instead, she offers them to personal contacts if they take on responsibility for the upkeep.

Her first taste of fame came when she appeared in the 1977 punk movie Jubilee. Later that year she put together her own band and she finally achieved chart success at the age of 23 with It's A Mystery.

"During the first years of my career my accountants were pilfering my money," she says. "I've been my own financial manager for the last 10 years."

She has continued to be successful in film and theatre and spent much of last year performing in the West End production of Calamity Jane.

Toyah bought her house in Chiswick for 117,000 eight years ago. It's now worth about 250,000.

"I've got a few bonds and ISAs as well and about 20 different pension plans," she says.

"But they've all lost 40 per cent and I'm really angry. The problem with these products is that financial advisers do better out of them than the individual does."

Age: 45.
Status: Married to Robert Fripp, a guitarist in Nashville, Tennessee. The couple chose not to have children.
Lives: Mainly in Chiswick, London.
Career: Actress and 80s pop singer, she appeared in the second series of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!
Best investment: Made 100K on a flat in Wapping.
Worst investment: Lost 14K on studio apartment in Chelsea.
Money attitude: Never borrow - money should work for you not others.

Huge thanks to Paul Lomas.