WILLCOX: My Life As A Movie
Actress, singer and I'm A Celebrity star
Toyah imagines ET battling Ken Livingstone in a
fictitious movie about her life.
POSTER TAGLINE: Don't bat an
GENRE: Film noir.
RATING: X certificate - it is
WHAT'S THE STORY? It's about an
oddball who never fits in. She goes on a journey
to find out why she is never accepted for who she
is. It's about hidden prejudices, bullying and
why people judge others because they are
overweight or have a speech impediment.
HOW TRUE TO LIFE IS IT? I
experience it all the time. I'm judged because I
have a lisp, because I'm short and now because
I'm middle aged.
WHO WOULD PLAY YOU? ET, because
he never fits in and he is the perfect oddball.
WHO WOULD PLAY YOUR LOVE INTEREST?
Keanu Reeves. He would be handcuffed to the
telephone in a phone box. ET wants to call the
whole time and he meets Keanu there.
WHO PLAYS THE BADDY? Ken
Livingstone (left) is the baddy as he has single-
handedly stopped tourism into London. I work in
the West End and I have never seen it so badly
affected by his policies. I think it's shameful.
WHAT'S THE BIG SCENE? All
elitist snobs from the worlds of politics and
media are put on a bonfire and burned with ET
laughing and phoning home with Keanu.
HAS IT GOT A HAPPY ENDING? Yes.
Snobbery is dead and ET marries Keanu Reeves and
has ton of babies.
Toyah Willcox is currently starring in Calamity
Jane at the Shaftesbury Theatre, London.
Mirror, July 2003